Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I love you but...

I love my children I wouldn’t trade them. I think that they are wonderfully sweet. But there are also days like today where I miss the single non mom days. They are great kids don’t get me wrong. And if anything ever happened to them I would be crushed. I would go to great lengths to keep them safe happy healthy.
But there are mornings (like today) where it takes me twice as long to get them ready then myself. When I look around my house and wonder if I will ever not have to watch where I step due to a ball, golf club, or Lego being out. When I desperately need to get back to exercising not just for my body but for my spirit and don’t know when or how to find the time without cutting into my already limited sleep. When I wish that I felt like I had another me to help wipe the counters, read stories, give out hugs kisses and medicine, cook meals, get everyone fed including myself, do the dishes, laundry, and simply maintain the day to day household. When I wish that I felt like I didn’t need to hire help just to not see cat hair turn into hair balls rolling like tumble weeds across the floor, or see it as if it’s a thin blanket on top of the couch. Thank heavens that I haven’t had to worry about the lawn, but my poor car definitely needs some TLC. Then it turns into me being secretly jealous that my dear hubby can go hit balls and play 18 holes when I don’t feel like I get very many opportunities to take time for myself.
I think my younger self was more accurate about me being too selfish to be a good mama.