Weight Lifted

I took a chance and no matter what happens now, I feel good about the situation.

A very long time ago I had a good girl friend at work. We had lunch together, we talked, and I felt like I could confide in her. I enjoyed being around her and was very interested in what she did day in and day out. I had expressed to her that I would be interested in learning what she did and we had talked about her teaching me so that I could back her up and if times they opened another position I could possibly get it with my additional experience. Well I had started to express to my manager that I would be interested in working in this position.

One day I went into this girl’s office, like I had done many times before, only to be met with a harsh comment. To her I was a “vulture.” Wounded hurt and upset, I listened to her apologized and turned and walked away. Even though we still work at the same place and have been in many meetings together our relationship never recovered. She never said anything to me, nor me to her, other than what was work necessary. Cordial to each other but definitely distant.

This has always bothered me for several reasons; I hurt someone I considered a friend, I hurt one of the very few girl friends that I have had, I didn’t know how to have prevented it, I didn’t know how to repair the relationship.

Today after looking across from her in a meeting I decided that I still very much wanted to have some type of repair and relationship with this woman. I did like her friendship very much while I had it. I would really enjoy having a girl friend again. (I only have family friends anymore.) That settles it, I thought, I will ask her if we can be friends.

After the end of the meeting I went into the ladies room and she was there. Perfect it is somewhat private so if she says no, no one will see me making a fool of myself.

Our conversation:

Me: Are you in a hurry to get to a meeting?

Her: No with a smile and stepping in from the doorway.

Me: I hope that this doesn’t sound too little girlish and I don’t really know how else to say this but can we be friends again?

Her: I didn’t know that you were concerned with that stuff.

We talked for a few short minutes and a HUGE weight is off of my chest. No matter what happens now whether we begin to talk more or if she teases me behind my back I feel at peace that I have attempted to make amends.

I still don’t know if I could have ever made her realize back then that I wanted to work with her and not replace her but I do feel better that I stepped up and was able to finally talk to her about it. I hope that I can continue with repairing lost friendships, forgiving, and letting go. I’m glad that I took a chance today.

1/3rd the way through

I am so glad that I can say that I am 1/3 of the way through my classes. This last class was on the fundamentals of economics and global business and my least favorite class. This next class is on economics and global business applications. I am not looking forward to it. But I’ve got to keep positive. It’s just another class. One more closer to my degree. One more closer to crossing it off the bucket list. One more closer to new doors and opportunities.

2/3^rd’s or 12 classes to go.

I am

Have you ever heard of I am statements? They are suppose to be inspiring things about yourself that you say to yourself to create positive energy and then you will become the “I am” that you are stating.

Watching TV a few weeks ago and I noticed that this individual (Twitch from So you think you can dance) has them tattooed on his arm. I am, I will, I deserve,

I am loyal.

I am kind.

I am a saver.

I am trusting. (I have to really put some energy into this one.)

I am beautiful.

I am strong.

I love doing this because it makes me feel so good saying them to myself.  I think that I want to incorporate some I deserves in there too.

I woke up this morning looked in the mirror and thought

Whose body is that starring back at me?

I do realize that as we age thing change, move, develop, sag, and sometimes ripple but whose body is that? Being pregnant does not help matters either.

I love my boobs love them being bigger. Women get them done to feel more womanly, sexy, and confident. I have had these thoughts before since as I have aged I seem to have the incredible shrinking boobies. High school I was a small C large B and now if I’m not pregnant I could buy a bra in the little girls section because I am barely an A. For those of you with more than me yes barely A is a cup size. I think that it is intended for a training bra but here I am wearing it. Long story longer being pregnant gives me these wonderfully sexy boobs that I love EXCEPT running, dancing, sleeping, golfing, among other things. Sorry they just seem to get in the way and now I want my little gals when I’m doing things and these beauties for clothes that fit better, and other times.

Other things that are now staring at me:

I have love handles! Yes love handles. How does that happen when you have a stomach sticking out?

I have cheese on my buttocks upper thigh area. Oh I miss the days of working my legs out to where I don’t want to sit because it hurts.

I have a stomach…a stomach that is more of a ledge when I’m laying down. Seriously! Normal size until my belly button then this magical lip onto a baby gut. And I look like I should be in the movie Alien when the parasite moves around. Pregnancy is WEIRD and labor is GROSS!! I don’t think its magical or beautiful.

My hips and knees look odd due to this phenomenon of motherhood. Hip are getting wider and my knees are now almost bending in. It looks really odd when I walk. Please see above note about this time in life being weird.

Where do these skin tags come from? I have had 1 for a long time now I have 3 WTH? I’m going to end up purchasing TagAway soon.

As I stare at this foreign body with my head I realize that I am both my mother and my father, thanks for those genes (yes this is sarcastic.), and yet neither I can blame for all of it.

I miss MY normal body.

As Seen On TV

I will admit I am a sucker for the television infomercials. I usually want to buy whatever I see. I do wait until long after the program has ended before I make up my mind if I want to purchase X item or not. Needless to say I have bought some pretty unique and sometimes crappy items from infomercials.

Jeff got a laugh at my latest CRAP purchase and we talked about how much fun it would be to have a “white elephant crap that you have bought” party. Just think of what people would bring.

Here is a short sampling of the TV items I have bought that may or may not work:

Nads

The FIRM

P90X

Acupuncture mat

Neck Basket (ok not really but I have considered other outlandish things.)

And drum roll please for the latest and greatest:

WaxVac

So what would you bring to exchange at the party?

Off to a ROCK'in start!

Yeah! I just passed all 3 classes for my 1^st semester. Now I can continue to work on the 2^nd semester and hopefully finish sooner rather than later. I know that I will take a break in a few months so this jump on things will really help.

Only 15 more classes to go.

Is that you grandma?

I don’t know what you believe in or want to believe in. And I promise this isn’t a posting wanting you to believe what I may or may not believe. I say that because sometimes I don’t know what I believe. I do think that there are things that happen and take place that are far beyond what I know and can comprehend at this time.

I do want to share with you an experience that I had the other night.

I put the young lad down for bed at his normal time. A normal night consists of him sometimes, not all the time, screaming for a few minutes (under 10) then finally quieting down and going to sleep. I’m confident that he is getting close to his REM sleeping level (the dreaming level) after only 30 minutes. Well this night the boy didn’t scream (which isn’t that unusual), but he was up for at least 45 minutes talking and laughing. 45 minutes of this is VERY rare.

Well off to bed we went after a quick check on the little one who was finally fast asleep. Sometime in the night, I didn’t look at the clock, the boy woke up again. Not that this is routine but it’s not out of the norm and I usually just wait to see if he is going to put himself back to sleep or if I have to come in. The unusual thing was, again he was talking to himself. After about 10 minutes he quieted down. I then noticed a distinct smell in my room that I couldn’t place at the time. The boy started his small half cry that is him saying ‘hello will someone come rock me.’ The smell in the room dissipated and I heard his cry stop and turn into talking again. He was up for about 30 minutes or so.

In the morning we, my lord and I (inside joke), were talking about how weird it was for him to wake up talking to himself in the middle of the night. After my lord left I thought about the smell that came into our room that night. I knew that smell. What was it? Finally it hit! That smelled like grandma.

Grandma has passed a few years ago and was not around to meet my husband or our child. But I have a strange suspension that she was visiting and playing with the little boy in the other room.

Like I said I’m not completely sold that spirits can and do visit us but I have had more than this experience that leads me to believe that it is possible.