It’s been awhile so here is a quick update on the good bad and ugly.

Good:School is almost over. I only have 4 classes left. I will be taking a final for one of them this week so keep your fingers crossed.

J is perfect as always.

C was playing ball with me on Sunday. Yes ball. I’m sure its all in my head because how could a 9 month old play ball? But sitting on the floor she would hold a tennis ball and shake it and it happened to roll to me. So I rolled it back into her lap. She got excited and did it again. The game repeated for about 5 minutes until I stopped. So what do you think? Was it in my head or is she really playing ball?

B is being so sweet, grownup and cranky all at the same time. He is keeping me on my toes and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I applied for a new job and some days I think I got it and others not so much. Hopefully I’ll get some feedback soon and can improve next time I apply for a position.

Bad:I feel like I keep putting J on the back burner. When it’s us time we are tired and it’s horrible!

Sickness has been running crazy through the house and I hope that it stops soon.

Ugly:…

…

…

Still thinking…

K I’ve got nothing for the ugly.

A Letter to Myself

Do you ever wish that you had a letter from your older self? If you did what would you say?

A Letter to Myself-

You will have many experiences in your life. Many happy, many sad, some unexpected, some painful, some surprising, remember that these experiences good and bad make you the person you are. We are all a conglomeration of our experiences and they shape the world that we see.

You will have an unexpected turn in your life and during this you will ask yourself many times “why?” You will question yourself and your worth. You will at times wonder if you will ever find joy. You will wonder why you choose paths that put you in the line of heartache. You will feel dead inside, question your faith, ask for forgiveness and wonder if you will ever feel whole. You will feel entirely to blame but not know what you could have done for a different outcome. Utterly alone. Although these feelings will dampen I’m not sure if they will ever go away. Some say time heals all, I don’t know that. I will let you know that to deal with the pain will get easier and the smiles will come with less effort. You can start to trick yourself. You will never be the same again, no longer living the fairytale. You can remember the good and search to find yourself again or at least a new you. Life will continue around you until you decide to join it. Once you decide to things will begin to heal.

Your greatest joy will lie where you least expect it. One of the unexpected and surprising turn of events you encounter. Don’t fear this change. You will find surprising ease and joy in this position that ends up being the most fulfilling in your life. This is where you find your most natural niche.

Let work be a way to earn and living not be your life. You will lose all of your earnings at one point and need to know that you can and will survive. It will be difficult since savings and security go hand in hand with you but remember you can make more. It will be harder and take more time due to having more responsibilities but life will continue. You will find security again only this time you will realize that the security you feel with a savings is only artificial.

Continue to live with no regrets but also make sure that your choices to carpe diem will not leave you feeling remorse. Be true to your own thoughts, feelings and actions.

Always look for the good in people the positive in all situations. Remember that you don’t know of the demons others have faced.

You are responsible only for yourself and your actions although another may blame you; you are not the one making their choices.

You will find the light at the end of each situation. Make it the best that it can be. Remain steady.

The best advice I can give you is to live a life you admire. Be in the moment, not in the future. Be present always. Take time to appreciate all and be grateful. Be thoughtful. Be compassionate. Trust yourself and your instincts. Be compromising. Know your value is great. Love yourself so that you can receive love. Be humble. Be joyful and positive.

Happy Anniversary

It has only been a short time and an interesting beginning.

Is this what it’s all about? Yes.

Happy Anniversary

Apples

This morning everyone, and I mean everyone, decided to get up at 4:45 am. Jeff was up because he is always up that early when he works, the little one woke up to eat and as I was feeding her I hear the little man “mama? Mama? MAMA?” knock knock. I tried to ignore this hoping he would go back to sleep.

Jeff came out to the family room and I could tell that the little man was not going to go back to sleep so up and out of his room he comes. Jeff goes to work and I am juggling the 2 little ones and trying to get ready myself. C goes into her swing B gets a snack and cartoon and I get to shower.

While I’m in the bathroom B is watching cartoons in the bedroom and I hear from the TV show “15 kinds of fruit du dun du” Nothing else is said that I can hear or remember.

Then I hear this little voice “Apple…I wove apple”

Then more of the song “15 kinds of fruit du dun du.”

B again “Where’d apples go?”

I came out to the bedroom to see this:

What is that singing, cheese with hair?

The small chuckle and unforgettable moment, for me, completely made up for me worrying about getting ready with everyone awake. And thank goodness for daycare because he is going to be ornery today. Hopefully he takes a good nap before being picked up.

I love you but...

I love my children I wouldn’t trade them. I think that they are wonderfully sweet. But there are also days like today where I miss the single non mom days. They are great kids don’t get me wrong. And if anything ever happened to them I would be crushed. I would go to great lengths to keep them safe happy healthy.

But there are mornings (like today) where it takes me twice as long to get them ready then myself. When I look around my house and wonder if I will ever not have to watch where I step due to a ball, golf club, or Lego being out. When I desperately need to get back to exercising not just for my body but for my spirit and don’t know when or how to find the time without cutting into my already limited sleep. When I wish that I felt like I had another me to help wipe the counters, read stories, give out hugs kisses and medicine, cook meals, get everyone fed including myself, do the dishes, laundry, and simply maintain the day to day household. When I wish that I felt like I didn’t need to hire help just to not see cat hair turn into hair balls rolling like tumble weeds across the floor, or see it as if it’s a thin blanket on top of the couch. Thank heavens that I haven’t had to worry about the lawn, but my poor car definitely needs some TLC. Then it turns into me being secretly jealous that my dear hubby can go hit balls and play 18 holes when I don’t feel like I get very many opportunities to take time for myself.

I think my younger self was more accurate about me being too selfish to be a good mama.

New tire $50.00, being independent PRICELESS!

Last night on the way home I got yet another flat tire. For those that know me…I have tire issues. I feel like I have had more flat tires and am way too comfortable with changing a tire on the fly for my age. I feel like I have changed enough for my lifetime not just for the short time I’ve been driving. I’ve done enough to last me until I’m 80!

So driving along and my car is pulling to one side. I can feel the wind, because we are experiencing some very strong winds, I pass the pulling to this fact. I turn a corner and my car is still pulling to the side. Pulling over to examine and I’m sure that I will find at least one flat tire. Walk around the back of the car. Yep, there she is.

Well I’m not getting any younger or getting home any sooner here staring at this flat tire dreading the fact I left early to get home early to do a haircut.

I get things set to change the tire. Jack in place, brakes on, in gear, spare out and full (nothing sucks more than having a flat and your spare being flat. Yes I’ve experienced that as well.) check, check and check. I start to take the nuts off of the tire.

Here is the picture I will paint for you.

Extremely windy, trunk open, 9 months pregnant, yes 9, standing on the wrench to loosen the nuts off of the tire. Then because one is on REALLY good I’m doing a small, and very unsafe, bounce maneuver on the bar to get it to loosen.

How funny will this be if I slip off of this bar and go into labor and not have my tire changed?

Finally success, I was able to finish changing my tire with only a small and frustrating jack issue. I went on to buy a new used tire and all is now well with the good old Honda.

From Two to The Teens

So our wonderful, blessing of a two year old is now a teenager. Our sweet, loving, smiley morning faced boy apparently didn’t want to get up this morning and was not afraid to let us know.

We have taken the front of his crib down, so now he is able to get in and out of bed on his own. He has had this for a week and doing very well. This morning at about 6:30 he started to cry. We looked at each other and Jeff said “early riser?” The crying continued. He said “sounds like he’s hurting.” I said either that or ornery.

Jeff goes into his room and the crying stops. He comes back out and tells me that his feet were caught up in the rails on the back of the bed that he had pulled them out and rubbed his head. Just as Jeff gets done telling me this and WACK. B had closed or should I say slammed his door shut.

We usually have his door shut at night so that B doesn’t have any extra friends, meaning the cats, sleep with him. This morning I’m guessing that the TV being on was a bit too loud for the teenager who wanted to sleep in so he got up slammed his door shut then went back to bed. I talked to Jeff an hour later and he told me that B did this the 2^nd time that Jeff went into his room and was actually trying to wake him up.