I love you but...

I love my children I wouldn’t trade them. I think that they are wonderfully sweet. But there are also days like today where I miss the single non mom days. They are great kids don’t get me wrong. And if anything ever happened to them I would be crushed. I would go to great lengths to keep them safe happy healthy.

But there are mornings (like today) where it takes me twice as long to get them ready then myself. When I look around my house and wonder if I will ever not have to watch where I step due to a ball, golf club, or Lego being out. When I desperately need to get back to exercising not just for my body but for my spirit and don’t know when or how to find the time without cutting into my already limited sleep. When I wish that I felt like I had another me to help wipe the counters, read stories, give out hugs kisses and medicine, cook meals, get everyone fed including myself, do the dishes, laundry, and simply maintain the day to day household. When I wish that I felt like I didn’t need to hire help just to not see cat hair turn into hair balls rolling like tumble weeds across the floor, or see it as if it’s a thin blanket on top of the couch. Thank heavens that I haven’t had to worry about the lawn, but my poor car definitely needs some TLC. Then it turns into me being secretly jealous that my dear hubby can go hit balls and play 18 holes when I don’t feel like I get very many opportunities to take time for myself.

I think my younger self was more accurate about me being too selfish to be a good mama.

New tire $50.00, being independent PRICELESS!

Last night on the way home I got yet another flat tire. For those that know me…I have tire issues. I feel like I have had more flat tires and am way too comfortable with changing a tire on the fly for my age. I feel like I have changed enough for my lifetime not just for the short time I’ve been driving. I’ve done enough to last me until I’m 80!

So driving along and my car is pulling to one side. I can feel the wind, because we are experiencing some very strong winds, I pass the pulling to this fact. I turn a corner and my car is still pulling to the side. Pulling over to examine and I’m sure that I will find at least one flat tire. Walk around the back of the car. Yep, there she is.

Well I’m not getting any younger or getting home any sooner here staring at this flat tire dreading the fact I left early to get home early to do a haircut.

I get things set to change the tire. Jack in place, brakes on, in gear, spare out and full (nothing sucks more than having a flat and your spare being flat. Yes I’ve experienced that as well.) check, check and check. I start to take the nuts off of the tire.

Here is the picture I will paint for you.

Extremely windy, trunk open, 9 months pregnant, yes 9, standing on the wrench to loosen the nuts off of the tire. Then because one is on REALLY good I’m doing a small, and very unsafe, bounce maneuver on the bar to get it to loosen.

How funny will this be if I slip off of this bar and go into labor and not have my tire changed?

Finally success, I was able to finish changing my tire with only a small and frustrating jack issue. I went on to buy a new used tire and all is now well with the good old Honda.

From Two to The Teens

So our wonderful, blessing of a two year old is now a teenager. Our sweet, loving, smiley morning faced boy apparently didn’t want to get up this morning and was not afraid to let us know.

We have taken the front of his crib down, so now he is able to get in and out of bed on his own. He has had this for a week and doing very well. This morning at about 6:30 he started to cry. We looked at each other and Jeff said “early riser?” The crying continued. He said “sounds like he’s hurting.” I said either that or ornery.

Jeff goes into his room and the crying stops. He comes back out and tells me that his feet were caught up in the rails on the back of the bed that he had pulled them out and rubbed his head. Just as Jeff gets done telling me this and WACK. B had closed or should I say slammed his door shut.

We usually have his door shut at night so that B doesn’t have any extra friends, meaning the cats, sleep with him. This morning I’m guessing that the TV being on was a bit too loud for the teenager who wanted to sleep in so he got up slammed his door shut then went back to bed. I talked to Jeff an hour later and he told me that B did this the 2^nd time that Jeff went into his room and was actually trying to wake him up.

A Gray Matter

Let me first start out by saying that I would like to think of myself as a person that is not superficial. I do however realize that there are some things that hit the psyche slightly more than others. This is an experience of one of those.

Last night while taking out my eyes (contacts) before bed I was looking at my hair color. I’m going through some changes with my hair and about 6 months ago I realized that I don’t feel like I have the time to take out for myself to get my hair colored. This time issue along with the feeling of poorness due to childcare and diapers has led me down the path of choosing to no longer color my hair. This is a whopping savings of 2 hours and $50 additional dollars every 2-3 (ok who am I kidding more like 3-4) months. (This I realize now is not a huge savings on either end.) So I did one last color as close to my natural as possible and have only gotten cuts since. Due to no longer coloring my hair I examine it trying to tell myself that my natural ashy brown is still a nice color and the hints of red and a few gold accents are nice. I’m saying all of these things to myself. Then last night it comes …

See Ash you even have a few blondes. Wait. Wait just a minute. That is blonde…right?

NO! O.M.GEE! That is not a blonde hair! That is my first GRAY HAIR! I’m only in my early 30’s how do I have a gray hair?

So of course I do what any attached person would do and shared it with my significant other. “Honey, I have my first gray hair.”

“Um that’s not your first.” I hear from the room.

As I’m examining and debating on pulling it out. I see another. WHAT! TWO, two gray hairs! Then I’m on to looking at my part. Holy Hanna there is another. “3, I have 3 gray hairs.”

So how old am I now? And how can you have a kid on the way and gray hairs in your head.

I have come to terms with the wrinkles. I’ve led a good and happy life. The age spots, I’ve enjoyed the sun. The unpleasantness of loss of elasticity in my muscles, with age comes great wisdom and it’s now time for a younger person to take care of me. Gray hair? What can I say to feel good about grey hair?

Vacationing

We just got back from vacation and we had so much fun!

We decided to take a break from the cold and see mama and papa in Florida. Most would think of Orlando with the beaches, Disney, Epcot, and many tourists but this Florida trip was mostly country, only one day at the beach.

It was so great to visit with Mama and Papa. B was actually playing ball and coloring with Papa which was so great to see. He would blow kisses to them both and would run around talking to Bogie.

We were able to ride the 4-wheelers, learn to drive the tractor, and do a bit of front porch sittin.

B’s first time on a 4-wheeler was during this trip and even though you cant hardly tell with his facial expressions I think that he really enjoyed it. We found him climbing up on one when we were trying to leave for breakfast. Hey this kids no fool and knows what he likes.

The tractor was a treat for all of us. All 3 of us got to learn to ride it and B was even pushing mom and dad’s hands off the wheel because of course at almost 2 you already know how to drive. He watched Jerry across the street on his tractor and you could tell that he was thinking ‘wait you forgot me!’

The beach was great with some key lime pie, sand castle building, Frisbee throwing, sunning, and standing in the waves. Yes it was still a bit cold for me to get in any more than knee high.  I have a picture of B running up to grandpa with a huge hug in the water.

It was wonderful for me to see Jeff and B bonding because I don’t get to see that very much with our schedules. He is such a daddy’s boy and Jeff is such a wonderful father. I loved to see them looking out from the porch in the mornings, playing ball, running around, riding the 4-wheeler and tractor, playing in the sand at the beach, and saying hi Bogie hi duck. Some memories that I hope to never forget with time and aging.

One thing that I was glad to come home to…B having his own room and own bed. He either slept with us all night or ½ the night and I sure got to missing my alone time with Jeff and B is quite the bed hog.

Run Forest Run

For anyone who is thinking about, planning, training or running a race anytime soon read this article and try to run like a kid. And no I don’t mean arms flaying around like Phoebe on Friends.

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=23876743&nid=1010&title=5-ways-the-st-george-marathon-is-better-as-a-kid-than-an-adult&s_cid=queue-18

Get the word out.

I read this article and immediately had to post this.

I have lived a similar version of this with my ex with emails and phone calls. Many days I lived in fear based off of things that were said. Turning to the police I was told there was little I could do. I had to wait for him to threaten me and not just once but multiple times. What? How is someone knowing details that you don’t know how they could possibly know not be viewed as threatening?

Somehow I ended up being the one that had to change my life. Don’t answer your phone, don’t listen to the voicemails, change your phone number, change your work number, don’t answer his emails, and don’t respond to his letters, change your routine. Done, done, done, why am I the one that has to change my life because of his behavior? I pushed people away, lost friends and even myself.

This is VERY real and VERY scary! I hope that the laws change and that women (or men) do not have to be harmed before getting help. We all need to feel safe in our lives and when you experience this it will take a long time to get back to feeling secure. I know that I still look over my shoulder and question. And yes I do know the local police number by heart.

http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/tech-life/why-you-should-worry-about-online-stalking